Is it just for the gram?

Babies first birthdays

Serious question why do people feel they need to validate themselves on the internet so much? Especially Instagram. Don’t get me wrong I love a bit of showing my daughter off every so often, she’s beautiful, I’m proud of her. However when it comes to first birthdays I get a little confused…I’m not bashing anyone, you do you! I’m just trying to get my head around what I’m going to do for my daughters birthday and to what extent I’m going to go to. She deserves the world don’t get me wrong but do I get her loads of presents I can’t really afford just so I can take a picture of them and put them on Instagram? Toys she’s probably never going to get around to play with anyway? I’ve seen so many beautiful pictures of ‘my babies first birthday’ pile of presents with the banner up and the balloons all blown up. But do I bother? In regards to MY daughter is she going to care? Probably not. Who’s going to be opening her presents? Me. What’s she going to be playing with? Probably the paper…I’m in two minds, I really am. She’s still going to have an amazing day never the less but do I give into the gram? Maybe, I probably still will. I love taking pictures and I think a little show off is lovely! I want to share my daughters day with her internet baby friends but I am in no way in competition with anyone about anything especially not ‘who got their child the most presents’ which seems to be a thing these days. Who knows, there’s my rambles for the day. Only 18 days will my girls big day. Have a nice afternoon!C x

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But I’m not dealing with my body issues and I don’t know how…

it’s  true it really is, and I never thought I would be this ‘type of person’

So my daughters asleep so I’ve been having a little worry to myself as usual.

I’ve never cared about the size or shape of my body… well I’ve never been fully happy I have small boobs which I’ve always hated but I’ve never been worried about my over all body size. I’m writing this as I’m eating a pot noodle so am I helping myself? No but do I just want to eat something that I actually want to eat? Yes. I’ve always been a size 6/8 even when I was pregnant up until my last month or so I could still fit into my size 8 Zara jeans but now… what can I say this certainly isn’t the case. Starting from around 7st before I was pregnant it seems small but I had a healthy BMI, my doctor was never worried about my weight but I know I was tiny. I use to eat what I wanted when I wanted now I could breath in the smell of someone’s cottage pie from across the room and put on a stone.

Healthy eating I don’t mind, I don’t at all! I’ve stopped eating shite (bar this pot noodle) yet I’m still gaining weight and not loosing it. I know this seems like a big complain and a big moan and I guess I could do more as you’re all probably thinking but I’m just struggling mentally. It’s ruining me how quickly I’ve gained so much weight, and it’s tearing me down. I don’t go out anymore, I avoid seeing people. If I do get invited out anywhere relitavly ‘posh’ I have nothing that goes even over my thighs anymore. Every inch of my body is full of stretch marks, I mean I think they’re beautiful but I’d rather they weren’t on every single part of my body due to gaining so much weight so quickly.

Like where did I go wrong? It makes no sense to me. We’ve booked a holiday for my boyfriends birthday and I can think of nothing worse right now regards to what clothes to wear and how little I’ll need to wear.

I need to snap out of it! Tea will be something healthy and good for me! I’ll keep trying my best, trying and trying again however much I feel defeated.

C x

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My first blog post

Welcome! Cheers to my very first blog post (I’d chin a glass of wine but it’s not socially acceptable at 1 pm).

So I thought I’d start off by introducing myself, I’m a 21 year old mum from the north west of England who doesn’t get enough human interaction. In all seriousness that’s true I don’t, but I’m blessed for the moment to be able to spend my days with my daughter until I have to eventually go back to work.

So i guess these are going to be the ramblings of a young mum just doing bits, getting by and trying to find my place in this crazy world. I hope you all enjoy my place of rantings and doccumentations the same way I’m going to enjoying writing them.

C. x   IMG_5850